Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Carnosaur 2, Dinosaurs Eat Miners

Not a true sequel, sadly. Of course, a true sequel to "Carnosaur" would have had a few scant survivors on Earth battling a new race of Tyrannosaurus Rex'. The drawback would have been no women in the cast as they were shoved into extinction in the original.  Still, when dinosaurs and humans engage in battle, especially in close quarters, it is still fun. Hence, from Executive Producer Roger Corman, we have 1995's "Carnosaur 2."
At the Yucca Mountain Mine an angry T-Rex shreds all the miners. The monster took everyone by surprise. Little did the plutonium miners realize, the facility also was experimenting on bringing dinosaurs back to life...and it worked!  With the mine/Top Secret lab now off the grid, the government sends in a tactical team to figure out what happened.  Major Tom McQuade (Cliff DeYoung) will accompany this grouchy band of...well...I'm not sure what they are, we'll call them soldiers. The very pretty Galloway (Neith Hunter) will fly them in on a chopper. Galloway is really cute and quite perky, but because this is a Roger Corman film...well...don't get too attached to her as her death will be quite horrible.
Now inside the Yucca Mountain facility, the team, led by the grouch Jack Reed (John Savage) find body parts all over the place. They also find a survivor, a teen aged computer hacker (Ryan Thomas Johnson), in shock.  Almost immediately, our grouchy team starts getting picked off by T-Rex' and Jack and company start fighting back. Meanwhile, our government hack, McQuade,  knows more than he is letting on. The monsters can bust through walls and munch away at Reed's men (...and women). After the perky Galloway gets it, the only other female member of the team, Sarah (Arabella Holzbog) is pulled apart like string-cheese. Just in time, our teenager hacker comes out of shock, and him and Reed must figure a way out of a secret lab under lock-down before the self-destruct program is activated.
Would there have been any harm in letting the perky Galloway survive? Since this is a Roger Corman film, are the two babes in this film better off dead? Is "Carnosaur 2" a metaphor of the difficulty the U.S. mining industry would endure over the next 20 years? More of a straight forward man vs. monster film than the original "Carnosaur," this sequel has plenty of good gore and some great actors yelling a lot. For cheap thrills and good monster acton, take in "Carnosaur 2," directed by Louis Morneau.

Monday, May 21, 2018

WTF!, Gratuitous Nudity and Gore Abound

A sultry, naked, sweaty blonde (Nicolle Blair) runs out of an isolated cabin looking like she has just been in the throes of pre-marital sex.  She yells "What the F---!" She then receives a dagger between her shoulder blades and her nude body writhes around before she dies. I swear, movie makers are producing films with the goal of getting them on this blog.  So opens 2017's "WTF!" There will be lots of gore, nudity, pre-marital sex, skinny dipping, and bongs. This film features a magnum opus performance by Andrea Hunt. As Bonnie, a Paris Hilton wannabe, she is indignant when told an old creepy guy probably wants to rape her two friends Lisa and Rachel. Offended, Bonnie replies,  "Hold on! Why wouldn't he want to rape me too?"
The nubile, but clean-cut Rachel (Callie Ott) is the only survivor of a slasher who killed all of her buddies. Spring Break nears and she reluctantly agrees to go to a secluded cabin in the woods with her college buddies. No cell phone service...a big clue as to what's next. Her buxom buddies Bonnie and Lisa (Sarah Agor) will control the activities which include pre-marital sex and skinny dipping. The hunks who accompany them are into these activities, bongs, and additional pre-marital sex. Rachel is on edge, only Bonnie knows her history with the slasher. Avoiding pre-marital sex, drugs, and skinny dipping, Rachel ticks off her cad boyfriend Sam (Johnny James Fiore).  Sam need not fret, Lisa will oblige.
The slashing starts again.  They will be gory. A throat will be cut, intestines will be yanked out, a hatchet will be thrown...all the good stuff.  How about Bonnie?  As a Paris Hilton clone, will her demise be extra gory and elongated?  That's an easy one.  With another mass murder event underway in Rachel's life, all seems hopeless for her friends.  As the nubile gals and hunks fall, flashbacks fill us in on the events of the first mass murder.  Wait!  Something isn't right, who is....well, never mind...you'll see.
How did Rachel survive the first massacre and what happened to the slasher?  Does participation in skinny dipping spell doom for all of Rachel's pals?  Will Bonnie suffer the same fate as Nicolle Blair's character, or will her's be much worse?  Another easy question.  Experienced slasher fans will see the surprise ending a mile away, but the gore, gratuity, and  and attractive characters will make "WTF!" a worthwhile take. Oh yes, Perez Hilton is also in this film and I have to say, he always makes films enjoyable...thanks Perez!  For some neat slasher film thrills, see Peter Herro's "WTF!"

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Bodies, Call 911 for Gore and Perversion

Gore and perversion will rule in 2016's "Bodies," so be warned before reading further. The backstory is almost as icky as this film's take on necrophilia.  The living may not fare well in this one, but humiliation also waits for the dead.  Rodney Wilson's extreme horror film may be the victim of some bad reviews, but if you can take it, terrific acting and a fast moving horror story will be quite satisfying.  Afraid of going to the hospital?  This film is for you.
A naked woman with a knife in her hand (yeah...don't ask) is hurried into an ambulance.  To her surprise, she wakes strapped to a gurney in a make-shift operating room while two men cut her open and pull out her internal organs as she watches in horror.  Ah, the world of organ harvesting on the black market.  For Corey (Joe Bocian) and his brother Jeffery (Brian Landis Folkins), the financial rewards for this endeavor are great.  Also, if you are a necrophiliac, this career could play into your hands.  Corey is the brains behind this operation, and Jeffery is...shall we say... slow? Uh oh...they collect another victim, Cindy (Jenice Marshall). Cindy has turned her ankle hiking on a trail and instead of a real ambulance, our monstrous duo show. Cindy will wake up nude, strapped to the aforementioned gurney, as Corey readies to cut her open.
Cindy, a beautiful pre-med student will endure torture and humiliation, but in a weird way...will assume control. See, Corey and Jeffery are taken by her and can't bear to cut her open...but why? A very sick backstory explains this...and it is twisted.  Thinking fast, and knowing that her reprieve is temporary, Cindy begins a game of cat and mouse...her weapon?  The promiscuous pre-med student uses her sexuality.  At first Corey rapes her at will, but as soon as she pretends to enjoy it, well, Corey goes on the defensive.  Oh yes, the slow-witted Jeffery...Cindy has plans for him. Even though she will be beaten, raped, tortured, broken, and humiliated, Cindy appears to have the upper hand.  If she can stay alive, she just might prevail over our two lunatics.
What in Corey and Jeffery's sick past prevents them from gutting the sultry pre-med student?  How much humiliation will Cindy take before her will is broken?  Is Cindy merely plotting escape...or is she also planning revenge?  Everything thrown at you in this film will be stomach turning, but you will feel compelled to look.  For some good dissection horror with lots of internal organs yanked out, enjoy "Bodies."

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Darkness Comes, Audition Meets The Dunwich Horror

Pre-marital sex in horror films never turns out like its supposed to. No young nympho ever puts his/her clothes back on saying, "Yes! Now that's what I'm talking about." Usually a machete, spear, or some demon play havoc with what is supposed to be sweet ecstasy. From Scotland, we have a film that merges the uncomfortable dread of the Japanese horror classic "Audition" with the 'something beyond our understanding is on its way' horror of a H.P. Lovecraft epic. From 2013, directed by David Newbigging, we look at "Darkness Comes" (aka "Dying Light").
Suze (Kelly Wenham)! All she wants is wild, unbridled sex with Eddie (Owen Whitelaw). Or so it initially seems. Eddie missed an initial warning sign...Suze is way out of his league. The sultry vixen leads Eddie and his raging hormones to a mysterious room (...cell?) where she is all over him. Eddie is in all his glory until Suze subdues him with a syringe. When Eddie awakens...the horror story begins. Yep...he is fully awake, but completely paralyzed. Tied to a bed frame, he is completely helpless when Suze pulls out a box-cutter (...ceremonial dagger?). She starts carving.
Just when we are ready to turn our eyes from the screen, a miracle occurs...Eddie gets his movement back and knocks out Suze. Don't get too excited, Suze never loses control, even when unconscious. No spoilers here, but Eddie finds some indications that he is much more than a schmuck...he is a chosen schmuck. This never goes well if the one doing the choosing is evil, not human, a demon, an alien, or some other otherworldly being. So which one is Suze?  Or is she human and a normal nymphomaniac millennial with a cutting fetish? The dimly lit cell offers few clues, and will offer even fewer as it seems to be losing light. In the growing darkness, Suze continues to stalk Eddie, physically and psychologically.  Yes...it appears some evil force may be on its way.
Was Eddie chosen, and if so why and by who (...or what)? Just what is on its way, and from where does it come from? Okay, so doom, death, or the apocalypse may be on its way, but will this stop Eddie from going out on top and engaging in the aforementioned pre-marital sex? Fans of H.P. Lovecraft will fill in the blanks quite nicely. What is just beyond the darkness is just as horrific as whatever Suze is. Written by Gordon Mclean, "Darkness Comes" is a dark horror story featuring a sultry vixen and a nerdy schmuck...an arrangement many of us can relate to.
To watch Darkness Comes now click on this link Darkness on Amazon

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Delirium, Super Model Carnage

She is gang raped by the Nazis. She is violently raped with a flashlight by a pervert in a wheelchair. She runs through a torrential rain storm in a see-through negligee. She has passionate sexual intercourse with a male porn star in a hot tub. She's chased through an abandoned mall while wearing high heels and a smart, semi-tight leather skirt. She is felt up by the aforementioned porn star in a tanning booth. I know what you're thinking...Edwige Fenech in an Italian horror film. Half right. Today we look at 1987's "Delirium," starring the sultry Serena Grandi and directed by Lamberto Bava.
As our story opens, nude model Kim (Trine Michelson) is being felt up by two African women in a swimming pool. Yep, a photo shoot for Pussycat Magazine. This magazine is owned by former nude model Gloria (Grandi), who took over operations after the untimely death of her race-car driving husband. Uh oh...Kim will be pitchforked in the gut when leaving Gloria's dinner party. This crime is witnessed by a pervert in a wheelchair who gets off on spying on Gloria with binoculars. Kim's corpse is taken by the killer and posed in front of a mural of a nude Gloria. Pussycat hits the newsstands the same day Kim's body is found in a dumpster...sales skyrocket...after all, Pussycat has some great recipes.
New model needed...enter Sabrina (Sabrina Salerno). Her death will be humiliating as the killer chases her nude around her apartment before...well...you'll see. Same deal...the fiend takes her body, poses it in front of a nude mural of Gloria and sends Gloria the photos the same day Pussycat hits the streets. Serena is getting scared, believing she is next. Enter Flora. Flora (who enjoys watching films of Nazis raping Gloria) desires passionate lesbian sex with Gloria and for Gloria to sell her the magazine. Gloria will have none of it, so Flora will have to settle for the young blonde lingerie model that fawns all over her...enough of that. Uh oh, the victims are getting closer to Gloria as some of her direct employees assume room temperature before their photo sessions. Double uh oh...the pervert in the wheelchair just might be able to walk.
Serena Grandi is quite captivating, whether nude, in a smart leather business outfit, in a see-through negligee, or all wet in a hot tub. As everyone, male and female desires sexual relations with our damsel, she must run from a very perverted and twisted killer. Was Edwige Fenech threatened by the voluptuous Ms. Grandi's success? Is it a historical oversight by Italian cinema not to include a cat-fight between these two actresses? Even in the context of this sick and twisted film, just what sick and twisted conclusion will Mr. Bava deliver to his aroused audience? I have left so much out of this plot as there is a lot here including the monster super-model plot device. For some prurient Italian fun, see "Delirium."

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Centipede!, Big Bugs in India

A foolish hunk yells, "Will someone please tell me what we're running from?" A slightly less idiotic hunk yells back, "A big slimy creature, okay!" Ingredients of a perfect B movie. Shot in Hyderabad, India (I've been there), 2004's "Centipede!". When I was in Hyderabad, giant centipedes exploded out of sewers and caves and ate dozens of citizens each day (EMBELLISHMENT). When the privileged descend miles under the earth for thrills, the monsters drool with anticipation.
A bachelor party! No, not in a strip club. Jake (Trevor Murphy), as best man, arranges for an ultra-rich David (Larry Casey) to join his old gang in India for some spelunking. Brilliant! What could go wrong. The crew convenes at the airport in Hyderabad and to David's surprise, Lara Croft wannabe, Sara (Margaret Cash), joins them. She and David were a passionate item before David dumped her for some rich socialite. Also joining them  are more hunks, a nerd or two, and the sultry and playful Zoe (Danielle Kirlin). She is listed sixth in the credits which means she will suffer the most gory death of anyone in the cast.
Just prior to this, a babe Indian scientist and a hunk Indian scientist descended to look for toxic dumping. Instead of looking for toxic waste, they engage in pre-marital sex...and are eaten by a huge centipede. So sad. The same centipede, maybe 20 feet in length, starts eating the hunks. It shoots venom that burns. Zoe? Her fate, though off camera, seems to be reminiscent of Taaffe O'Connell's in "Galaxy of Terror." Uh oh, David lusts for Sarah again, as Sarah sweats a lot and strips down to some flattering bike shorts and a sports bra. Sarah has a new boyfriend, Dirk (George Foster), but veteran horror film viewers know what his fate will be. As the centipede becomes two after Dirk attacks it with a stalactite (don't ask), our crew desperately tries to make it to the surface. The deaths will be slimy and tortuous, but the real question is whether the big bugger will help David get Sarah back?
Will the sweaty Sarah and opportunistic and wealthy David be able to swap spit above the surface again? If Roger Corman had made this film would we have seen Zoe stripped, slimed, and impregnated by the amorous insect? Is the 100 leg centipede a metaphor for the dangers of the hundreds of different cultures in India pitted against each other in the country's caste system? Perhaps the best film ever made in India, "Centipede!" is a lot of fun and creature f/x are neat. As the bugs in your garden and home get bigger as the summer heats up, consider this film a warning of our inevitable fate if the bugs decide to fight back.
 

Friday, May 11, 2018

A Knife for the Ladies, Jack the Ripper in the Old West

I am dying here. I just wanna tell you about the last seven minutes of this film. I so want to tell you. Alas...no spoilers here, but take my word for it...the last seven minutes is over-the-top, with lots of exclamation points. Horrifying, taboo, and sick...yes!!! A western hits our blog today. A western all the way, it even has Jack Elam as the sheriff. But weirdness creeps in and a demented retelling of the Jack the Ripper legend emerges with some sick twists. In an oater in which dance-hall damsels are shredded like cheddar on a salad, we take a peek at 1974's "A Knife for the Ladies."
Someone is slitting the throats of all the prostitutes in Mescal, Arizona. The dance-hall damsel wannabes are being butchered and this is driving businesses and respectable folk out of town. Sheriff Jarrod (Elam) is battling the bottle and in no condition to investigate. Sensing Mescal is soon to become a ghost town, a wealthy banker (John Kellogg) hires a private detective, Burns (Jeff Cooper). Burns is smart, educated, reads thick books with big words and is a spitting image of David Hasselhoff. Oh yes, fans of 1970s sports will love it that Derek Sanderson (Boston Bruins) and Fred Biletnikoff (Oakland Raiders) also star. These two kill a Mexican believing they have killed the Jack the Ripper fiend in their town...they are wrong.
As more beauties assume room temperature, Burns inspires Jarrod to sober up and join the fight. What they discover will be shocking. The ladies of the night weren't the only targets of this mad butcher. Travis Mescal, from the founding family of the town, was the initial victim. As the film progresses, a creepy undertaker emerges as a suspect, but is this too easy? After some grave robbing, corpse assault, and some good old fashioned gun fighting, Burns and Jarrod turn their attention to a most unlikely suspect. They better hurry as Jenny (Diana Ewing) is the only babe left in Mescal and what waits for her is simply ghastly.
Can Jarrod and Burns figure out who the fiend is in time to prevent Jenny's soiling and demise? Just what secrets are brought to light as a grave is opened?  What else does that weird undertaker do to the corpses of formerly sultry hookers? Jack Elam is great and sets this film apart by his initial quote as we first meet him. In a drunken stupor, he blares out (with no context) "18 years I've been banging his wife and what do I get? A kick in the but." I wish I said that. Directed by Larry G. Spangler, "A Knife for the Ladies" is a twisted tale of the old west that horror fans will enjoy.