Saturday, February 28, 2015

Die Screaming Marianne, Exotic Dancer in Peril

British actress Susan George ("Straw Dogs" and "Dirty Mary Crazy Larry") was one of the most alluring figures in 1970s cinema.  Empire Magazine named her one of the 100 sexiest stars in film history (...they are correct).  Still acting today, as well as running a stud farm for Arab horses, Ms. George was widowed in 2010 when her actor-husband, Simon MacCorkindale died.  This beauty flourished on film especially when she was in much peril.  In "Venom," her nemesis was a poisonous snake, and her death scene was one of the most memorable in film history.  In "Straw Dogs," her antagonists were thug rapists, and her plight was incredibly horrifying.  Today's feature, "Die Screaming Marianne" from 1971,  Ms. George plays an exotic dancer targeted for mayhem by her stepfather and nymphomaniac half-sister.
Marianne "The Hips" McDonald (George), an exotic dancer, flees her gig in Spain as her stepfather sends his thugs to collect her.  Now on the run, as she has spent most of her life, Marianne returns to London.  Her stepfather, a disrobed judge (Leo Genn) needs Marianne because only she has access to the large bank account of her deceased mother.  Meanwhile in London, Marianne foils the judge's plot by marrying Eli (Barry Frome).  The judge is a clever sort, and concocts a scheme to lure our heroine to his villa in Portugal where he plans to seduce the bank account number out of her.  Oh yes, our judge is game for incest, and has a very provocative episode with Marianne's evil half-sister, Hildegard (Judy Huxtable, pictured below left).

As Marianne and Eli play the role of lovebirds in front of the evil and jealous judge, Hildegard plots.  The evil half-sister is bent on either seducing or disemboweling Marianne...or probably both.  This nymphomaniac emerges as Marianne's deadliest threat.  The evil half-sister becomes impatient and resorts to painful torture of Marianne.  Our endangered damsel must be sharp, as homicidal tendencies begin to be acted upon.  One mistake in judgment by our nubile dancer and she and Eli could assume room temperature.  Bodies begin to pile up, and Marianne "The Hips" McDonald engages in a battle for her life.
As Hollywood gives us irrelevant films about race relations starring Harrison Ford, they completely miss what the public really wants.  More films about exotic dancers in peril!  Will Marianne preserve her beauty and life, despite Hildegard's desire to be the fairest of them all?  Can an exotic dancer find true happiness in the prudish, post WW2 culture of western Europe?  Susan George turns in a stunning performance, and director Peter Walker makes sure her and her hips are displayed often in this film.  Available on Netflix, avoid the latest Harrison Ford disaster in favor of "Die Screaming Marianne."     

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Heroines of S.W.O.R.D.: The Evil Within, Super Heroines in Bondage

Totally in the guilty pleasures category comes today's blog entry, 2013's "Heroines of S.W.O.R.D.: The Evil Within."  We'll eventually look at the plot, though all you need to know is there are five exotic-dancer looking heroines wearing lingerie or leather costumes, getting pummeled, tortured, groped, prodded, probed, poked, and humiliated.  I'm not necessarily recommending this film (...I guess I kinda am) but if you are hoping to find arousal in "Fifty Shades of Grey," this film may be more to your liking.  In "Heroines," you won't even have to put up with useless, semi-deep conversation.
As our film opens, each heroine is getting owned in brutal fashion by evil henchmen.  Someone has activated a machine which weakens the special powers of these lovely ladies.  Above, as Viper's (Jax Monroe) powers abandon her, she gets discombobulated and groped by evil villains.  Below, lingerie clad Electro-Girl (Angelina Hollee) will lose her powers and get decimated and eventually {CENSORED}raped by the evil, ex-heroine Fury (Lexie Sunset).  The beat-downs are extensive, and the evil forces are unmerciful in their treatment of the would be crime fighters.  Our babes figure out where the machine is that drains there powers, and converge on the secret New Jersey headquarters of the evil villains.  But wait!  It's a trap.  Electro-Girl and Hot-Girl (Bunny McQueen), pictured in the bottom photo, are quickly subdued, tied in bondage, and tortured.
At this point, I'm sure you are kicking yourself for forking out $12.50 for "Fifty Shades of Grey."  Nymphette (Cookie...really?) and Viper are close behind, but they are also put into bondage, tortured, and humiliated.  One of the villains, Viper, was a super heroine before she went to the dark side, and really has it in for Electro-Girl.  Hence the above mentioned rape.  Now, clearly at a disadvantage, the girls must endure horrible beatings, and find a way to escape and turn the tables on their tormentors.  
I could go on, but I think you get the gist of this film.  Never taking itself too seriously, the acting is a lot better than one would imagine from a C exploitation film.  Lots of nudity and violence, our actresses endure so much in order to deliver a first class exploitation film.  If this type of film appeals to you, I don't expect you to admit it, but the DVD is reasonably priced on

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Proteus, Genetic Research goes Amok on the High Seas

From the UK, comes a great looking scifi/horror flick. 1995's "Proteus" combines elements of "John Carpenter's The Thing" with "Alien" and gives us some really slimy scares.  Perhaps not overly original, "Proteus" is filled with great looking actors and actresses (all in deep peril), a mad-scientist, a slimy creature, explosions, gunfights, and some semi-predictable twists.  If you had to endure the stupid Oscars', because everyone else watched it, treat yourself to this neat monster deserve it.
A drug smuggling gang (three hunks and three babes) are thrown out of Hong Kong by a Triad.  As they take to the highs seas on their blows up.  Now aboard a life raft, Alex (Craig Fairbrass, pictured above) assumes the role of leader.  Out of nowhere, the castaways happen upon a seemingly deserted oil rig.  Alex leads them aboard the oil rig which looks as though a major battle had been waged on it.  Uh oh, indications suggest something else, not quite human is also on board.  Alex and his gang also realize they are not aboard an oil rig, but a genetics laboratory housing biological experiments.  In a bone headed move, our sextet splits up to look for any signs of life on board.  Unbeknownst to them, slimy creatures are watching and following them.  
The drug gang leader, Paul (Robert Firth), soon goes missing.  His main squeeze, Linda (Toni Barry, pictured above) is determined to find him.  Meanwhile, our gang stumbles on a female doctor (Jordan Page) and a security henchman.  When both turn into creatures in front of them, they realize a war is on.  Alex' gal, Rachel (Jennifer Calvert) is wounded during a battle, and soon after that becomes the nesting place for the slimy fiend (see photo below).  Now she is one of them and starts picking off each gang member.  Alex realizes what he is up against, and together with the surviving humans, must defeat this genetically created monster and get off the rig.
An epic battle will be waged and the slimy anamorph will materialize in all it's ugliness.  Battling the monster, and his fellow drug gang members, Alex must be careful that his friends are not in reality monster in human form.  You gals will be impressed with Craig Fairbrass and his abs, and you guys will enjoy the actresses...even though not all will stay human.  Will our criminals defeat the genetically created monster thus preventing it from reaching the main land, and infecting the world's population?  Alex is in the same predicament that Kurt Russell was in in "The Thing." Available on Netflix, enjoy this Roger Corman-like film.  

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Dark Ride, Love, Marijuana, and Disembowelment in New Jersey

No, not a Chris Christie campaign slogan, but a neat slasher film from 2006, "Dark Ride." Just like "Scream Park" (see my review posted on January 25th), this movie is heavily influenced by Tobe Hooper's "The Funhouse."  With college hunks and babes in lots of peril, an escaped homicidal lunatic, pre-marital sex, lots of pot, and gore aplenty, this is a film you will need to make time for. Set in a carnival's dark ride (house of horrors) on the New Jersey boardwalk, writer and director Craig Singer has crafted a scary story in which body parts and blood splatter the screen.
Our movie begins in 1989 as two precious looking twin sisters board the dark ride at a Jersey amusement park.  Halfway through the ride, a psycho grabs them and cuts them up with surgical instruments (pictured above).  Now in 2006, five attractive college students board a van and head off to spring break.  The very hot Cathy (Jamie-Lynn Sigler) and Liz (Jennifer Tisdale) will be joined by their nymphomaniac, quasi boyfriends, the pot head Jim (Alex Solowitz) and two-timing Steve (David Clayton Rogers).  Also joining them is film nerd Bill (Patrick Renna) who seems to be a fifth wheel. As they roll through Chris Christie's empire, Bill notices they are passing an out of season amusement park.  Growing up in NJ, Bill remembers the episode back in 1989 where the two sisters and 12 more people were chopped up on the dark ride.  Wouldn't it be fun to spend the night in that dark ride?  Yeah I know...but cut them some slack, this is a slasher movie.  As they approach the park, of course they have to pick up a hitchhiker...the very beautiful but spacey Jen (Andrea Bogart).  Jen loves to eat 'shrooms and have pre-marital sex.  You can probably guess her unfortunate fate.
As our peeps break into the dark ride, and turn the electricity on, they hit the marijuana and conspire to do some pre-marital sex.  Unfortunately slashers have an intense bent for morality, and the park killer, who had been in a lunatic asylum (no New Jersey jokes here), escaped from the institution two weeks ago.  Double uh-oh!  Their arrival at the park isn't as coincidental as it first seemed.  Someone in the group has some weird plans for the friends.  The killer then strikes with big knives and axes.  The insaniac believes the college kids are his toys and spreads their corpses (in several pieces) over many of the exhibits.  Of course the surviving babes and hunks get separated and find themselves locked in without cell phone reception.  As the pretty and handsome fall, will anyone survive the maniac?  
Made almost a decade ago, did Mr. Singer intend this to be a warning about Chris Christie?  However pretty she is, is there a chance that the 'shroom munching, nymphomaniac Jen will survive?  Is the fiendish plot of one of the college kids at all related to the carnage that will take place in this film?  The acting is terrific, characters are enjoyable, and the gore is aplenty.  Available on Netflix, don't miss this bloodbath of amusement.


Friday, February 20, 2015

Revelation Trail, The Bible, a Sermon, and Lots of Zombies

Did John chronicle the story of Lazarus, in the New Testament, in order to inspire zombie films 2000 years into the future?  No.  However, I believe that John would be pleased to know that Jesus' teachings of grace and forgiveness have sneaked into a medium thought to be devoid of any Christianity.  We who love horror are often criticized in our churches, and as a result, we often keep our views hidden.  An accurate look at this genre, even the sub-genre of zombie films, reveals that the dichotomy of good and evil is clear.  There are monsters.  There is evil.  Moral relativism is severely limited in the horror genre, unlike the other film genres.  Today we look at "Revelation Trail" from 2013.  Written and directed by John P. Gibson, this film is a special treat for those who love zombie films and westerns.
The zombie apocalypse hits the old west.  After their town is overrun, a preacher (Daniel Van Thomas) and the U.S. Marshal (Daniel Britt) are the only survivors, and they hit the road.  An unlikely duo, a preacher holding onto the teachings of the Bible, and a lawman with an unmerciful bent for justice and the bottle.  On horseback they head into the wilderness, killing zombies along the way.  To the lawman, the zombies are monsters.  To the preacher, they are people who must complete their passage before they can be judged.  The lawman wants them put down, the preacher desires to assist them in their journey to Heaven.  The same difference?  Hardly.  Upon putting zombies down, the preacher insists on praying over the body and burying them.

Eventually our duo come across a rickety fort, manned by remnants of civilization, and commanded by an army officer named Beard (Robert Valentine).  It does not take long for both the preacher and the marshal to realize that Beard is a lunatic, and far less noble than the recently departed.  The preacher never stops being a man of God, and in one pathetic episode, finds himself ministering to a mom who  killed her baby rather than letting the Zs get it.  Will God forgive her, or did she commit the unpardonable sin?  As a horde of walkers converge on the fort, acts of sacrifice will come from the most surprising places.  Alas, the Christian teachings of our noble protagonist did not go ignored in the wasteland of the apocalypse.  The title does not so much pertain to the roads through the wilderness in the end times, rather our journeys as sinners striving for eternity.
Will the human race, just off the Civil War, find redemption through a humble pastor?  Are the zombies part of God's judgment on the lawless society of the old west?  However you want to interpret "Revelation Trail," either as a video sermon, or as a neat zombie flick, it succeeds as an entertaining and thought-provoking work.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

The Lost Empire, What the Charlie's Angels Re-Make should have been...

Babes in tight leather body suits.  Babes in skimpy leather gladiator outfits.  Babes in skin tight cowboy dress.  Today we will take a peek at 1985's "The Lost Empire," written, produced and directed by JimWynorski.  Just a few years after "Charlie's Angels" left the prime time airwaves, this film came along and rekindles some pleasant memories.  Even the musical score is suspiciously similar to that hit show from the 1970s.  With an incredibly attractive cast which includes Melanie Vincz (see photo below) as the sexiest policewoman of all, Raven De La Croix as an extremely shapely Indian princess, and the late Angela Aames as the alluring but tough convict, you guys out there are gonna want to put this film on your watch list.
Inspector Angel Wolfe (Vincz) of the LAPD, clad in a tight leather motorcycle gear, rides into a school and kills three gang members while saving a classroom full of children.  Her reward, pre-marital sex with an FBI agent (Paul Coufos).  No time to celebrate, as her cop brother is killed responding to a robbery.  When Angel investigates the robbery, she realizes that Satan's henchman, Dr. Sin Do (Angus Scrimm, "Phantasm") is responsible for the carnage.  Vowing revenge, she plots to infiltrate Sin Do's island fortress.  Not an easy task, but Sin Do has a contest every year in which women come to the island and fight it out to be crowned champion.  No individuals allowed, only teams.  So Angel puts her team together.  She dons a tight cowboy outfit and recruits Whitestar (De La Croix).  Next, she goes to the penitentiary and finds Heather (Aames) in the midst of a mud wrestling match with a dominatrix.  Now the three head to Sin Do's island.
As the three arrive at the island to compete for lotsa moolah, Sin Do has other plans.  No girl leaves the island, but are made slaves and sex toys.  Furthermore, Sin Do has each girl probed (violated) in search of electronic devices.  When one is found on a babe, he has her neck broken.  As the competition starts, the women compete in martial arts, archery, running, and gladiator duels to the death.  Upon exploring, our gals find that past competitors are caged and raped by Sin Do's people.  Uh oh... Sin Do wants Whitestar as his main sex partner.  After gassing her and letting his snake molest her, her partners summon the other girls for a rebellion.  Scantily clad, but armed with spears, bows and arrows, and Chinese flying stars, our babes take on Sin Do's army in an epic battle.  Will Wolfe be able to avenge the death of her brother?

With scantily clad babes always in deep peril, the appeal of this film is obvious.  Mr. Wynorski is never confused about what his assets are in this movie.  Angus Scrimm as a satanic super villain, and three buxom babes as his foils make up a can't miss formula.  The acting is terrific for this type of film, and wardrobes are always tight and revealing.  Have fun with "The Lost Empire," and tell yourself it is okay to bypass the preachy Hollywood bore-athons that were nominated for Oscars.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Literature Review #7, The Gathering:Western 2

The graphic artists responsible for "The Gathering" works have given us a second volume of western stories. Like them, I firmly believe that tales of the Old West need to make a comeback in today's culture.  What has made America great has been forgotten.  Virtues such as independence, justice, good over evil, and hard work are ignored by a nation that has grown weak and lazy.  When our children watched "Gunsmoke," they cheered for heroes with a strict moral code.  Today, they cheer for "Dexter,"....eek!
In this volume of "The Gathering" we are treated to some short (bullet like) stories that are gritty and introduced to some characters we easily get behind.  Glenn Matchett and Jenny Gorman create a gunfighter as alluring as Selena from "Underworld," and just as deadly.  Seeking vengeance, a beautiful woman heads into the eye of the storm with her six shooters.  Can the bloodshed forecasted by the first few frames ever turn into friendship and understanding?  Read on!  In Charles Butler's "Albino," the staple of the oater, a man's horse, becomes so much more important than a means of transportation.  The concept of risk has been lost from modern culture, but a couple of centuries ago, risk was inescapable.  In Sean Fagan's "Fences," we are introduced to some horrific images which we will not soon forget.  However brilliant and capable we are, this story by Mr. Fagan hammers home the point that we are never in total control...a difficult concept for us to believe in 2015.
A picture is worth a thousand words, and a series of pictures may be worth volumes of words.  In "Dust to Dust," Francis C. Helvie gives us a narrative sans words.  No matter, the artwork unfolds for us a historic and grim tale.  The last few pages of this volume present some bold images (...not only the drawings).  Rodney Traynham's "Capital Punishment" transcends the past, present and future.  Perhaps this work gives us a glimpse of a world where the values of the Old West have been forgotten.  I will say no more about this story, as spoilers would betray my obligation to the artists that put this volume together.
On March 2nd I will review "The Dark Trail" on this blog.  It will be the first western I reviewed since November 13, 2013 when I reviewed "Priest."  This volume has reminded me that so much virtue is presented to us through tales of the Old West, that is ignored today at our own peril.  To order this volume, check out the website  

Monday, February 16, 2015

Fog Island, Murder, Booby-Traps, Seances, Damsels in Distress...

On a foggy island off New York, stands an old creaky mansion.  A perfect setting for a murder mystery, this structure is adorned with suits of armor lining the hallways, secret passageways, and fatal booby-traps. "Fog Island" (1945) is our feature today.  Originally based on a comedy/mystery play from 1937, director Terry O. Morse took the comedy out of the film adaptation, thus concentrating on murder and mayhem.  Of course, mixed in with the carnage are several suspects, including some beautiful femme fatales.
 Leo (George Zucco) is plotting revenge against his former business associates.  He believes they framed him for some mis-deeds, which landed him in prison for five years.  More importantly, Leo knows that one of them murdered his wife...but which one?  The only other soul living in the mansion is the beautiful and pure Gail (Sharon Douglas), his stepdaughter.  After rigging some murderous booby-traps, Leo lures the suspects to his island, knowing they still seek his hidden fortune.  Arriving are his former secretary, the statuesque Sylvia (Veda Ann Borg), his accountant (Ian Keith), his favorite psychic, Emiline (Jacqueline de Wit), a couple of other partners, and Jeff (John Whitney).  Jeff is the young and handsome survivng son of one of Leo's deceased partners, and a former college beau of the beautiful and pure Gail. Of course, the beautiful and pure Gail is still goo-goo on him, but is suspicious that he is in cohoots with the evil guests.
Leo knows that the greed of his guests, coupled with the fact that a murderer is among them, will assist him in his goal of wiping them all out.  His booby-traps await.  During initial toasts, he gives each guest a clue to where his fortune is hidden in the mansion.  Alone, no one has a shot at finding it.  The cut-throats pair up in order to increase their chances, but can they trust each other? No!  The beautiful and pure Gail rekindles her relationship with Jeff by putting on an icy front.  Because she is a babe, Jeff doesn't mind, and pursues her anyway.  Uh oh....Emiline conducts a seance which foretells of death for all of them.  The beautiful and pure Gail realizes she too is in danger once the alluring Sylvia enters her bedroom and nearly strangles her.  Now clad in a satin nightgown, the beautiful and pure Gail must survive the night as the bodies begin to pile up.  Can she trust Jeff?  As secret doorways are revealed, and homicidal greedy guests start killing, Jeff and the beautiful and pure Gail unravel the mystery of the hidden loot and the murder of her mother.

The ending is a wild one, which shows the fate of the greedy guests, reveals the killer's identity, and the future of the beautiful and pure Gail's relationship with Jeff.  I love Mr. Morse's decision to take out the comedic elements of this story.  Murder and horror have built in comedy, thus adding it to the plot would make the story seem too contrived.  I picked up this DVD for less tan $5 on  Treat yourself to a fine murder mystery that will remind you of an Agatha Christie story...except less concerned with wit and manors.  

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Stonehearst Asylum, Kate Beckinsale does Edgar Allan Poe

Such a tragedy that lunatic asylums have gone the way of lobotomies.  What will the paranormal investigators do a hundred years from now....investigate strip malls?  The insaniacs of the 19th century were kept behind walls.  Today, they stand in line with you at Costco, have free lawyers, impossible to evict, hijack the classroom you send your child to everyday, run for office, and date your daughters.  Progress?  Today's entry is 2014's "Stonehearst Asylum" (aka "Eliza Graves"), starring my favorite actress, Kate Beckinsale.  Ms. Beckinsale appeared on this blog on November 11, 2013 in my review of "Whiteout." This film was adapted from an Edgar Allan Poe story.
A rhetorical question: Has progress and science propelled us into an existence where love has been minimized in our psyche?  Dr. Edward Newgate (Jim Sturgess) arrives at Stonehearst Lunatic Asylum.  Newgate has finished his psychology studies at Oxford University and seeks to study under the head doctor at the asylum.  He is met by Silas Lamb (Ben Kingsley) who at first seems annoyed, then welcoming of this idealistic young shrink.  Lamb is interested in new psychological treatments utilizing kindness, and blending his insaniacs back into normal society.  Uh oh!  Newgate gets a glimpse of a mad hysteric who is institutionalized.  Eliza Graves (Beckinsale) has fits of uncontrolled violence, and was sent to the facility by her family after she bit her husband's ear off.  Who can blame Newgate for falling instantly in love with the supposed psychotic (..sounds like a Taylor Swift song, perhaps?)  To make matters a bit more complicated, Newgate quickly realizes the doctors and staff are all insane.  While prowling around one night, our young alienist discovers the real asylum staff, and head shrink, Dr. Benjamin Salt (Michael Caine).  They are locked in a sub-basement.  Salt tells Newgate of the rebellion which occurred and begs Newgate to help them.
As Newgate's infatuation for Eliza increases, he seeks to save her and the legitimate staff from the lunatics who now run the asylum.  As Newgate bides time, he proves himself to be a merciful and kind doctor, at times curing the seemingly incurable.  Now our naive hero must wrestle with a dilemma.  Does he free a staff which depended on barbaric and torturous measures, or allow a merciful lunatic to continue to rule?  Oh yes, Eliza!  Is she mad?  Being sexually assaulted was common under Salt's administration.  However, under Lamb's rule, she is a beautiful and graceful lady, composing beautiful scores.  The last 45 minutes is a wild ride.  You will pick up a couple of the plot twists, but not the important ones.
Themes of love, redemption, mercy, and madness permeate this film.  The acting is great, and Kate Beckinsale again shows why she is my favorite actress.  Brendan Gleeson also has a terrific role, key to the plot. To be considered sane in modern western civilization, have we cashed in our humanness in favor of a blunted conformity?  Available on Netflix, "Stonehearst Asylum" (directed by Brad Anderson) has the feel of a Hammer Horror film from the 1960s.  Even beyond Ms. Beckinsale, there is so much to enjoy about this movie.    

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Bio Slime, Black Ooze shuts down the Porn Industry

This is always the case!  The government screws something up, and it's the little guy who ends up cleaning the mess.  If radiation leaks, the bureaucrats in DC are safe and secure, but the working class families of Three Mile Island are abandoning their homes and dealing with cancer.  Typical!  The regular guy is a mere lab-rat for the elite governmental caste.  Today's feature is about this very subject.  2010's "Bio Slime" (written and directed by John Lechago) documents the carnage when a top-secret bio-hazard experiment goes amok.  The president and congress aren't affected, but all the good peeps that struggle to pay their rent each month are hunted down by a malevolent toxic ooze.  A story of our times.
So here it is.  Through a series of grisly circumstances, shapely Donna (Monique La Barr) scampers back to a seedy apartment building with a mysterious briefcase.  She believes it is the spoils of a drug deal gone fatally wrong.  She gives it to her supplier, Jack (Magic J. Ellingson).  Jack is operating a meth lab in this building.  This building is filled with a pathetic collection of losers in life's lottery.  One such loser is an artist, Troy (Vinnie Bilancia).  Troy is getting trounced in the battle with the bottle.  The walls to this building are paper thin, and the sounds of pornography echo everywhere, as porn actors moan away through most of the film.  Drunk Troy, looking for Jack, finds the briefcase and opens it (...STUPID!).  Hence, releasing the contents....a black slime which consumes and grows.
Donna will be the first victim, as the monster crawls onto, and in her, consuming her.  The ooze will then move to a drain and up into a shower where one of the porn stars is enjoying a gratuitous shower scene. Then onto the porn set, where it consumes most of the actresses (..excuse me, professional performers).  Trapped in the building, Troy, a couple of surviving porn actresses, Jack, and a few others are holed up in Troy's studio.  A surviving actress, Mary (Victoria De Mare). .   is taken over by the slime (pictured above).  No matter how dignified in life we are, we are all subject to being chopped into several pieces and shoved in a trash can....alas...Annie's fate.  As the slime makes more inroads into the studio, Troy hatches a daring, if not improbable plan.  As the last porn star, Mary  suffers a fate worse than death (see photo below), our survivors spring to action.
As the movie speeds to an explosive conclusion, we see the slime has developed into an "intelligent" creature, with a very erotic plan for the porn actresses.  Our misfits become heroic figures and believe they can outsmart this blob thing.  Will Troy turn his life around and change from alcoholic failure to savior of mankind?  Is the black ooze a metaphor for the deadly viruses that have decimated the adult film industry since the early 1990s?  This DVD is reasonably priced on  For a heartwarming story of pathetic losers banding together to save mankind, "Bio Slime" is the film you need to see.  

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Antisocial, Get rid of Facebook or Die

2013's "Antisocial" is a much maligned gore-fest....{read zisi emporium for B movies}...that may be the most important horror film of the last ten years.  Am I the only one feeling uncomfortable when Facebook mogul, Mark Zuckerberg dines with Obama?  What are they discussing?  We never are told.  Is Zuckerberg also conspiring with the NSA?  Are you like me, still not on Facebook?  Have you seen the weird looks you get when people find out that you avoid that cesspool of mass idiocy?  Have all those people been brainwashed?  What is Facebook...{and get lots of}... prepared to do to keep and expand their 900 million members (of which, a third are family pets)?  Cody Calahan has made a film...{success}... that might answer this question.
As the film begins, pretty Tara (Laurel Brandes, pictured above) bludgeons her BFF to death while the two are screwing around on The Social Red Room (a fictional Facebook).  Meanwhile, Sam (Michelle Mylett) has just been dumped by her heel boyfriend, on this same Red Room.  She then ...{money}... deletes the Red Room app.  As she makes her way over to New Year's Eve party, chaos engulfs the streets.  Young people are, for no apparent reason, turning homicidal....{sex}...and ripping into anyone in their vicinity.  The phenomenon is worldwide, and is traced to subliminal messages being sent on waves through the Red Room ...{friends} network sight.  Soon, Sam and her pals are boarding up the house as chaos and carnage fills the streets outside.  With the infection spreading, and millions already dead, Sam and her friends spend the first part of the night repelling murderous hordes.
Now a new threat emerges.  Sam's friends, one by one, begin manifesting symptoms.  Kaitlan (Ana Alic) and Steve (Romaine Waite) are the first, which is no surprise, as they began to have pre-marital sex.  Now Sam must survive ...{Zisi Emporium Good}... the night, as the world dies off.  Sam finds out that Red Room is sending subliminal messages to get people to chat more and post more photos.  It seems these messages...{read this blog everyday}...also have side-effects, like homicidal behavior!  Uh oh!  The potential cure is discovered, and it is an icky one.
Will Sam survive the night without getting killed or infected?  Is the carnage in "Antisocial" an appropriate metaphor to what social...{don't read any others}... media is already doing to us?  The movie does have some very chilling subplots, as the dead remain connected to the social network.  Available on Netflix, before updating your status on Facebook, see "Antisocial." Finally, always beware of subliminal...{Zisi Emporium is survival}...  messaging, even when you are accused of being paranoid.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

88, Katharine Isabelle Snaps

Surprisingly, this is the first time I have featured a Katharine Isabelle film on this blog.  If you thought she snapped in "Ginger Snaps," you haven't seen nothing yet!  in 2014's "88," Ms. Isabelle excels in what may appear to be two entirely different roles.  Is she a psychopathic, brutal killer...or a diminutive damsel in much distress?  Directed by April Mullen, and written by Tim Doiron (both have roles in the film), "88" takes us for quite a ride.
As our story begins, a very frightened Gwen (Isabelle) enters a diner.  Her hand is messed up and she is completely disheveled.  Gwen has no idea who she really is or how she arrived at the diner.  She is more shocked to find a gun in her purse and accidentally shoots a waitress, and is now on the run from the cops.  But wait!  She is already on the run from the cops...for lots of killings.  Through flashbacks, Gwen's story is filled in for us, one bloody chapter at a time.  We are able to infer that a thug named Cyrus (Christopher Lloyd) is pursuing her...but why?  As parts of her memory come back, she revisits familiar places only to find blood and corpses.
Now fleeing cops and thugs, Gwen must try to put random puzzle pieces together to figure out who the good guys and bad guys are.  When she realizes that the love of her life, Aster (Kyle Schmid) was murdered by Cyrus, Gwen turns back into a psychopath to hunt down this nemesis, before he tracks her down.  Lots of schmucks get in the way, and none of them fare well. However dear her old acquaintances may have been to her, with vengeance as her goal, her former friends are now merely a means to kill Cyrus.
Nothing is as easy as it appears in "88," and Gwen will go through some gut-wrenching realizations before her quest is completed.  The violence and plot may remind you of "Pulp Fiction" or "Kill Bill," but Ms. Mullen and Mr. Doiron have crafted an entirely different film.  We, the gullible viewer, are simultaneously cheering for Gwen, and horrified by her.  The amnesia plot device allows Ms. Isabelle to show us two entirely different characters, which will meet up in heartbreaking fashion as the credits roll.  Available on Netflix, there is so much to enjoy about "88." 

Friday, February 6, 2015

Alice in Murderland, Babes in Skimpy Costumes Having Cat-Fights

Sorority sisters in skimpy costumes, Tons of gore.  Lots of cat-fights.  I can't believe this movie only earned 1.9/10 stars on  Unlike "Selma" or "Frozen," this is actually a movie we can enjoy.  Though this film was made in 2010, it is obviously heavily influenced by the slasher films from the 1980s.  Unlike many low-budget horror films, the actresses in this movie do a fantastic job.  Written and directed by Dennis Devine, "Alice in Murderland" is an extremely under-appreciated slasher film.
As our story begins, the beautiful Ann (Katie Hotchkiss) is axed to pieces while looking at a home for sale.  Fast forward 20 years.  Ann's daughter, Alice (Malerie Grady, right hand side of above photo) will turn 21 in a few days.  Malory (Marlene Mc'Cohen) is Alice's BFF, and convinces all the sorority sisters to throw Alice a party at the same house, Alice's mom was murdered.'s a slasher comments about the wisdom of that plan.  Even better, every sister will dress in costumes (skimpy ones) of characters from "Alice in Wonderland."  By pure coincidence, Malory's uncle just purchased the property.  Malory seduces her Uncle Rene to lend them the keys.  No guys invited! Alice just broke up with her beau, because her sorority sister Tiffany (Katie Locke O'Brien, right hand side of below photo) stole him away.  Tiffany may have gotten the boy, but also earned the scorn of her sorority sisters.  On three occasions, dressed as the Red Queen, Tiffany will be owned in cat-fights at the party. 
Then the murders start.  The feuding girls get in more cat-fights, do 'shrooms, and get in more cat-fights. Tiffany, humiliated in several of these cat-fights plots violent revenge.  Is she the killer?  Or is Kat (Kelly Kula) the fiend, as she seems to disappear when people die.  Or is Malory's Uncle the killer, driven insane by his niece's flirtations, the insaniac?  The suspects are numerous, and the mystery is a good one.  Some of you might even suspect Alice, perhaps driven mad by spending the night in the same house her mom was murdered.  As the sorority babes drop, the killer is revealed.  Will any of these ladies survive the night?
This is definitely a guy's film, as any hunks in the credits are gutted before the party starts.  The grouchy characters slap each other, pull hair, kick with stiletto heels, and humiliate each other on cue. Unfortunately, the killer uses big knives and a machete with more effect.  Available on Netflix, if you liked "Cheerleader Massacre" and it's sequel, "Alice in Murderland" is a film to die for.  

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Exhibit X, A Psycho Supermodel, Vodka, Massacres, and Ghosts

A very different kind of film graces this blog today.  2012's "Exhibit X" is a found-footage film which is deceptively horrifying.  Director Ryken Zane (who also plays Billy) initially seems to miss the fact that this is supposed to be a slasher film.  However, don't speak too soon, as eventually we are allowed to bond with a very unstable fiend.  At points this is a difficult film to watch as we know the fates of the main characters (...and they are bloody ones).  Xu Razer, Mr. Zane, and Tim Flores portray their characters as regular peeps that we actually like.  In fact, these doomed characters are the kind of peeps we's like to hang with.  Knowing they are gonna assume room temperature, adds a gloomy pall over the viewing experience.
Sean (Flores) has just landed a gig promoting Firestarter Vodka.  He is an idea man, and he comes up with a doozy.  Hold a wild party with lots of babes, eager to assume various states of undress, where everyone drinks this vodka.  Oh yes, the venue will be the Bradford mansion.  This property is cursed, as in the 1940s, Bradford massacred 80 guests in the house.  Subsequent owners have also succumbed to evil, killing their entire families.  Neighbors and visitors to the house tell of eerie experiences, and the presence of Bradford's ghost.  With the help of film-maker Billy (Zane) and buddy Tony (Razer), they put the party on.  A TV entertainment show even shows up to conduct interviews and get some shots.  Sean appears to be a genius.
Then Angela (Apriel Starkweather) arrives.  She is a supermodel who has appeared in Vogue.  Quite an asset to the party.  She is taken with Tony and tries to seduce him.  Before too long, she will massacre all 51 guests.  What? Why?  In the final third of the film we see footage of Angela's video diary in the weeks leading up to her appearance at the party.  I won't give any spoilers, but she is alluring and insane at the same time.  Perhaps delusional...or perhaps a victim of her past.  You will have to decide.  Ms. Starkweather's performance in the final third of this film is captivating.
Possessed or mad, Angela's true nature is anyone's guess.  Though we see Bradford's ghost as Angela beds Tony, is this really a ghost or the supermodel's imagination?  This beauty's entries on her video diary provide many indications that she is headed for an evil end.  The DVD of this film is reasonably priced on  Anyone putting together a horror film, Ms. Starkweather and the other actors in "Exhibit A" should merit your attention.

Monday, February 2, 2015

The Hole, Depraved School Kids Cinema

Please don't confuse 2001's "The Hole" with the film by the same title, made in 2009.  Directed by Nick Hamm, "The Hole" is an edge of the seat thriller that will have you squirming.  Thora Birch and Keira Knightley (...yes, Miss Knightley is in a movie we actually want to watch) head a great cast in what may be termed an upper class "River's Edge." Remember that one...not quite the feel-good movie of the eighties.  Everything about this film is ominous, and will leave you thinking way past your bed time.
Mike Steele (Desmond Harrington) is the son of a rock star, and attending a very exclusive boarding school in England.  Oh yeah... he is a major league hunk.  Liz (Birch) is just goo-goo over him, but she is a shall we say it...frumpy (is that a word?).  By a weird set of circumstances, Liz' best friend, Martin (Daniel Brocklebank) arranges a week-end getaway.  Mike needs to avoid paparazzi, and must go somewhere secluded.  Martin introduces them to an old WW2 bunker, but lets Mike know he must also invite Liz.  Liz wants to get in Mike's pants, which is painful for Martin, as he secretly loves, Liz.  Also going along is the very prissy Frankie (Knightley), and her beau, Geoff (Laurence Fox).  Totally secluded, underground, the electricity still works, perfect for drugs and orgies.  Only one problem..... The door (hatch) automatically locks, thus Martin will have to return at the end of the week-end and let them out.

What happens next?  Drugs.  Sex.  Alcohol.  Then the week-end concludes and the kids are all packed up waiting for Martin to show up.  Did I mention no cell phone reception?  You got it....Martin is a no-show.  18 days later, Liz is found in shock wandering on a road near the school.  Her memory....gone.  Enter Dr. Horwood (Embeth Davidtz).  Her mission: help Liz remember the past 18 days.  The cops key in on Martin, but he is ice cold....and a genius.  Of course he has an airtight alibi.  As Dr. Horwood jogs Liz's memory, the answers are even more terrifying than the ordeal that befell Liz' three friends.
What happens to teens locked in a bunker, without food and water for 18 days?  You'll see, and the answer is not pretty.  Is Martin really an evil fiend who is upset that Liz doesn't love him?  Is there something else at play here?  I want to avoid spoilers, so just see this film.  Miss Knightley and Miss Birch are alluring, and their male co-stars are terrific.  Available on Netflix, enjoy this very dark thriller.